Burn To Heal
by verumficta
Summary: Merlin & Gwaine with hints of Merlin & Arthur.  Modern!AU   An alcoholic Gwaine struggles with the guilt of a hit and run, he turns to a stranger for help- the lover of his victim; Merlin.


Burn To Heal

Revenge wasn't anything like Merlin thought it would be. He wanted to break the person who tore his world apart; ripped it away at the seams. He wanted to _kill _something that he loved so he would feel the same pain Merlin did. He wanted to, but he couldn't. The man in front of him had obviously already broke himself apart, tore at his own heart until there was nothing left but mutilated flesh and guilt.

There was nothing left for Merlin to do but put him back together again.

Without a second thought, he pulls the shattered man in front of him into his home. He gives him a new set of clothes and lets him shower, he makes him a breakfast dinner of waffles and bacon, and he readies his couch so the man can sleep on his bed.

Merlin doesn't even know the man's name. He hears the the shower shut off, and soon the smell of- Merlin feels the pain resurface as his hands still, he hears the pounding of his heart, the footsteps of the man drawing nearer; but the smell. He could almost believe that he's finally come home. He feels a warm palm on the small of his back, and for a minute; just a minute, he let's himself believe that his love has returned.

It's Arthur's smell, his aftershave that floats in the air, he's in their apartment, Arthur's coat is still lain over the couch, his toothbrush still next to the sink, his shoes where they lay after the last time he had come home- kicking them off as he ran to tackle Merlin onto their bed; showering him with warm kisses and gentle caresses.

He felt a warm palm rubbing his back soothingly, and for a second he really believes that Arthur is back. "Are you okay?" Then he knows, he realizes where he is; though he has to blink away the tears as he tries to numb the sharp pain of dashed hopes.

Most of all, he tries to suffocate the thoughts that creep into his head at night that whispered promises a good life again, a _better _life, with Arthur, one filled with love and laughter. There'd be no more sadness, pain or loneliness. They hiss ideas into his head, that he could never fully drown by keeping busy; they are always there beneath the surface.

They are everywhere but most of all when he is in his car, his foot inches down pressing harder and harder on the gas until he hears honking and it's like that whole night all over again because he just can't -

The man is in front of him now, both of his hands are on his shoulders; shaking him gently as the tears stream down Merlin's face. He is unable to stare into the man's eyes, knowing that they had been the other pair to have been the last to see Arthur. His eyes rests on the man's hair, curling at the nape of his neck from his shower.

Merlin pulls back quickly as he realizes this is the first time anyone has touched him since Arthur- He shook his head, frantically trying to dry his tears as he lets out a laugh devoid of anything remotely similar to a normal laugh; it was a painful, ragged, harsh exhale of breath, really.

"Y-yeah I'm fine. I've got no clue what's been wrong with me today!" Merlin swipes at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears; but they just kept streaming down his cheeks. He feels fingers gently stroking his cheek, they are soft and warm- so warm. Merlin feels like he's been trapped under the frozen ice all this time and now he can finally see the sun again.

"My name's Gwaine." Neither of them acknowledge how close they are to each other, or how they can feel each other's breaths on their lips. "M-" Gwaine nods, his face solemn. "I know. Merlin. Pendragon. I'm -" Merlin stops him, a hand to the other man's chest.

"It's Merlin Emrys now." The tears are back now. Were they ever truly gone? They left rivulets of water on his lashes and he can only see the blur of the lights and colors. "I know. That's what I wanted to… that's what I'm here for Merlin. It was… It was me. I was the one who-"

Merlin blinks the tears away, and covers Gwaine's mouth with his palm. He didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't. His anger was all he had left. "I know, Gwaine. I know. That's why I let you in." The man who stood in front of him stills, they can both hear the fast paced synchronized beating of their hearts, feel the each other's shallow breath on their lips.

Gwaine leans forward and leans his head on Merlin's, his eyes slid closed. "I'm sorry. I drank too much. I shouldn't have been driving._ I… I'm… better now. _I still want to sometimes, but I just think about you instead. Your tears burned me, Merlin, and then they healed me."

Merlin leans forward, catching Gwaine's lips with his own. It was so warm it burned him, but his only thought was that this was just the beginning. Gwaine would heal him now.


End file.
